The Kabbalistic Zohar states about Parasha Mikeitz p. 201b): which we studied some weeks ago:'' Not only did Yosef not repay his brothers in kind for their having sold him, but he acted toward them with kindness and truth. Such is always the way of the righteous. Therefore, the Holy One, Blessed is He, forever watches over them, in this world and in the next.''
If some one treats us without kindness, or worse , we must not take revenge or bear a grudge. We erase the matter from our hearts. We respond with love. This is what the Torah asks :"You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge ; you shall love your fellow as yourself" (Lev. 19:18). But this is not just asked of us for the other fellow. As we will read below in the rest of Chapter Four of (001) The Handbook to Jewish Spiritual Renewal - Rabbi Arthur Segal or http://www.shop.jewishspiritualrenewal.net/product.sc;jsessionid=59D815D6F276ECE7A70A56D428E4A538.qscstrfrnt02?productId=1&categoryId=1, when we hate or hold a grudge, we only harm ourselves.
"Love your fellow as yourself" (Lev. 19:18) is a continuation of "And you shall love the Lord your God" (Deut. 6:5). When one loves one's fellow, one loves God. I have taught from our sages, z'l, that everyone has the spark of God within them. We may hopefully now know this intuitively, but the proof texts for our rabbis was from Job 31:1, we are all ''part of God above" (Job 31:2). By loving one's fellow. every molecule of him/her, every defect, one loves God. The Talmud teaches us in two places, Bavli Tractates Yoma 23a and Gittin 36a: '' The practice of the righteous is to suffer insults and not inflict them; to hear themselves reviled and do not retort; to be impelled in what they do by love, and to rejoice in their own suffering.''
So we have worked on our fears and have seen how they control us. And we have seen that with true trust and experience with God, all fears vanish. We have begun to unshackled ourselves from the prisons, the Mitzraim, of our own making.
By continuing with our Chesbon ha Nefesh, working with a list of those we hold a grudge against, or have ever held a grudge against, or hated, or disliked, or resented, we will continued to release the self-limited shackles of our lives, and know freedom. Wake up today and tell your sun to brighten your life.
We can choose what type of day we want and make it that.
We can choose what type of world we think it should, and work on Tikun Olam.
We can choose what type of person we want to be, and live that life of being happy, joyous and free.
Take the reins of your Jewish Spiritual Renewal, and live life! Let us keep the fantastic images of a free life in our minds as we face our daily worldly challenges . Remember that God will bless us with strength.
And this strength will manifest itself in our lives in the most wonderful ways!
The end of Chapter Four of The Handbook to Jewish Spiritual Renewal will how us how to be rid of our grudges, but more so showing us, that except for the few sociopaths that have entered our lives, almost everyone we can say hurt us, we have hurt them as well. We will also learn below how to do a daily chesbon ha nefesh, a small one, so that our lives stay clean, and that we can grow spiritually.
I am giving the class a month to work on this rest of your Chesbon. It is not something we do quickly. We will pick up again a week or so before Purim.
Re Tu B'Shevat: Here are some interesting essays:
Rabbi Arthur Segal: RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL:JEWISH RENEWAL:TU B' SHEVAT SEDER HAGADDAH:SPIRITUAL RENEWAL or http://rabbiarthursegal.blogspot.com/2009/01/rabbi-arthur-segaljewish-renewaltu-b.html
Rabbi Arthur Segal: RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL:PIRKEI AVOT 3:7:TU B'SHEVAT:bal tashchit:DON'T DESTROY+WASTE or http://rabbiarthursegal.blogspot.com/2009/12/rabbi-arthur-segalpirkei-avot-37tu.html
Rabbi Arthur Segal: RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL:Ari Elon's Through Tu B'Shvat to Yah B'Shvat:JEWISH RENEWAL or http://rabbiarthursegal.blogspot.com/2009/12/rabbi-arthur-segaltu-bshevatyah.html
THE END OF CHAPTER FOUR of (001) The Handbook to Jewish Spiritual Renewal - Rabbi Arthur Segal or http://www.shop.jewishspiritualrenewal.net/product.sc;jsessionid=59D815D6F276ECE7A70A56D428E4A538.qscstrfrnt02?productId=1&categoryId=1,
On a new page, make four more columns. We are now going to tackle your resentments and grudges.
In the first column list everyone against whom you have ever held a grudge, felt resentment toward, or has made you angry. Start with the present and work your way backward to your kindergarten years. Again be honest. I have never seen a truthful chesbon gadol that did contain parents, all siblings, and many cousins, aunts, and uncles. Include bosses, spouses, kids, teachers, cops, waiters, unknown folks on the highways, and in the supermarket. List old roommates, classmates, and kindergarten playground buddies. List them all, even if the resentment, grudge, or anger has long since passed. Include the deceased with whom you were ever angry, even if your anger has passed.
A rabbi, a cantor and a synagogue president were kidnapped on their way to a seminar. The kidnappers demanded all of their money and jewelry. When they replied that they hadn't any, the kidnappers told them that immediately after their last wishes were fulfilled, they would be killed.
"My last wish," began the rabbi, "is to give a fascinating, complicated, long sermon that I have always wanted to give, but have never been allowed."
"We will grant your wish," replied the kidnappers.
"My last wish," said the cantor, "is to sing a beautiful, Yemenite style song, one of my own compositions lasting two hours. I have never been allowed to sing it."
"We'll let you sing it," replied the kidnappers.
"What is your last wish?" the kidnappers asked the shul president.
"Please, shoot me now!"
You also need to list institutions and principles that have upset you. An example of an institution may be the IRS. You should even list your physician if he fits the bill. An example of a principle might be, "If you grow up and marry a nice Jewish doctor your life will be perfect," or "If you join the Army and serve in
In the second column, write down what these people did to you to cause your anger, resentment or grudge. You might say, "Benjie stole my bicycle," or "Benjie took my wife." When it comes to family, you may need more space.
In the third column, note how the person's deed affected you. Did it lower your self-esteem? Did it make you feel insecure? Did it get in the way of your goals? Did it ruin or dampen an interpersonal relationship? Did it cause you to be afraid? You can list one, some, or all of these.
Abe went to speak to his rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"
Abe replied, "My relationship with my wife is horrible. My self-esteem is at an all time low. I think my wife is even trying to poison me."
The Rabbi was very surprised by this and asked, "How can you think this?"
"I'm telling you, Rabbi, I'm certain she's poisoning me! What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offered, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi called Abe to give his report. "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
"Yes, Rabbi," said Abe.
"Take the poison."
Before going any further, take a good look at this page. You have a list of people and the things that they've done to you. Some of these things may be horrible, but for the most part there is probably a lot of pretty petty stuff. Yet, look at the power that you allowed these people and their actions to have over you. You became angry and bitter. You let this stuff stand in the way of your happiness. Remember, holding a grudge is a sin in Judaism. Not because it hurts the source of your grudge, but because it hurts you.
Remember that a life full of resentments is no life at all. It drains you. You've undoubtedly heard the non-Judaic sayings: "Success is the best revenge," or "The best revenge is a good life." It implies that you should toil and struggle for success and when your name is in the paper your antagonist will see it and be jealous. Vengeance is yours! The truth is, however, that the other person probably doesn't give a hoot and upon this realization, you will feel that you have failed when you should be enjoying the fruits of your success. This is fatal futility.
So you must rid yourself of these resentments. Judaism believes in responding to hate or detraction with love. Do not wait until asked for forgiveness to forgive. Do it regardless and do it now. With your list of resentments in hand and in your mind, your heart and your soul, ask God to help you forgive everybody on your list. If there is anybody on your list for whom you find it difficult to find forgiveness, continue to ask for God's help. Pray for that person. Think of it this way: if that individual has hurt you so deeply that, even with God's help, you cannot bring yourself to forgive him, he is spiritually ill. You would not be cruel to a sick person. Therefore, don't treat this person with cruelty. Pray for this person as you would a loved one with a fatal disease. Spiritual illness is fatal. Being disconnected from God is a living death.
"Forgive thy neighbor the hurt that he has done to you, so will your sins also be forgiven when you pray." (Rabbi Ben Sira, Ecclus. [Sirach] 28: 2).
"To whom is sin pardoned? To he who forgives injury." (Derek Eretz Zuta 8:3, Talmud Tractate Rosh Ha Shana 17a).
If you continue to have problems with one or two on your list, pray to God each night that they may have everything you wish for yourself and your family. Do this sincerely. I guarantee within two weeks, you will be ready to forgive. Forgiveness is the opposite of holding a grudge and hating. Mind you, this is not to say that this person has been given a pass on doing teshuvah (making amends). That is between him and God, but it is out of your head. Why keep someone in your head who is taking up room but not paying rent?
Q: What's the definition of chutzpah?
A: A boy who kills his parents and then begs the court for mercy…because he's an orphan.
Now that you have put the ills that others have done to you out of your mind, it is time to look again at the names in the first column and write down what you have done negatively to them in the fourth column. You have learned of the behaviors in which you might engage when you are disconnected from God. Think about them now and write down if you have been selfish to the people on your list. Write down if you have been self-seeking in your interactions with them. Write down if you have been dishonest to them. Remember, dishonesty doesn't necessarily mean that you took money from their wallets. Have you always been truthful with them, or have you lied either by commission or omission? Sometimes we don't share our true feelings with others, but expect them to know anyway. Then, when they do not do what we want them to do because they could not read our mind, we get angry and we start to resent. These unwritten contracts can destroy a relationship.
Did any of the people on your list ever make you feel fearful? As you have seen in your own handwriting, fear leads to untoward behavior.
Take out a third sheet of paper. I say third sheet of paper, but if you are doing this chesbon ha nefesh gadol correctly your fear inventory is probably about 10 pages long and your resentment inventory, especially if you are middle-aged, is at least 20 pages. So take out a fresh sheet of paper and start to write a list of your own character defects and sins. Include lies, white lies, gossip, stinginess, speeding, procrastination, controlling behaviors, perfectionism, and all other defects.
When you are done, review your list for completeness and honesty. If you are satisfied, your chesbon ha nefesh gadol is complete.
Three friends were talking in a bar. After many rounds of beer, one of them suggested that they each admit something that they have never admitted to anyone.
"Okay," said Peter, "I've never told anybody that I'm gay!"
"I'm having an affair with my boss's wife," confessed John.
Then it was Moishe's turn. "I don't know how to tell you guys…"
"Don't be shy," urged Peter and John.
"Well, I'm a compulsive gossip."
Now that you have completed your chesbon ha nefesh gadol, the large one, beginning tonight you will do a chesbon ha nefesh katon, the small one, very evening. Then, you will never need to do a chesbon gadol again. Think of it as keeping your accounting books up-to-date.
The chesbon ha nefesh katon is much simpler. Before going to bed each night, ask yourself if you owe anyone an amends as a result of your actions during the day. Were you in any way un-Godful by being dishonest, fearful, selfish, self-seeking, angry or resentful? Did you love your fellows as yourself?
If you owe amends to anybody, write down their names. Tomorrow, make amends with them. If it's somebody in your family and they are still awake, do it before going to sleep.
If you answered yes to any of the other questions, you will learn what to do in later chapters on spiritual growth and meditation. Before we get to that, however, in the next chapter you will learn how to confess these defects to God.
--
Take your time, and do a complete inventory. It will amaze you and be worth every moment you spent on it.
A d'var Torah for the Shabbat of January 16, 2010 is below. For Dvrai Torah for the Shabbatot of January 23 + 30, and February 6, 13 and 20, please read them in your second out of two class texts:
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Parasha Va'eira: Exodus 6:02-9:35
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"Tell Ol' Pharaoh Let My People Go"
In this Torah portion, in lines 6:06-6:08, God promises to redeem us from
The Rabbi says: "I will rescue you," referring to God taking us out of
Modern Jews are quite aware of the Torah's rituals and its cult of priests and sacrifice. The Talmudic Rabbis in 586 B.C.E., with no
We have a duty each day to be the best that we can be, and to develop redeeming qualities. We are in charge of our own daily redemption and Spiritual Renewal. There is a Midrash that says when we go to Olam Ha Ba, the world to come, we will not be asked "were you like Moses or David?" but "were you the best YOU?" We cannot use the excuse that we are in a society of moral decay or materialism and therefore find it hard to be a good modern Jew. Rabbi Hillel writes in the Mishna Pirkei Avot, Chapter 2:06: "In a place where there are no leaders, strive to be a leader." This was written during the Roman occupation of
If we wish, we can take ourselves out of the rat race – slaves to our schedules, credit card bills, big screen televisions, Blackberrys and email. If we wish, we can release and rescue ourselves from the subjugation of abusive or hypercritical people and acquaintances who vex our spirit. We can choose to spend time with those who are supportive of our lives and our interests and help us be the best we can be. We tend to spend the most time on those who appreciate us the least. We have within us the power to rescue ourselves from these uncomfortable situations.
If we will it, we can redeem ourselves forever from bad habits and self-destructive behaviors that keep us from reaching our potential. We can make a concerted effort to stop our loshan ha ra (gossiping, literally, the evil tongue) and petty jealousies that not only do not belong in any synagogue, but do not belong in our lives at all. We can successfully substitute positive behaviors if we deem it our will.
Lastly, we can take ourselves to Torah, Talmud and other spiritual texts of our people, and read the great principles they have set forth. We can try to emulate the characteristics of God, Who is our Creator. We can be kinder, more honest, more patient, and we can be more understanding. We can be better friends, better spouses, better parents, better Jews, and better people. We can decide to make Jewish study a regular part of our week, and eventually part of every day. We can decide to attend a spiritually God based synagogue more than we may have in the past. We can decide to light Shabbat candles and reflect on our Holy heritage. We can decide to take time out for rest and reflection.
Moses saw how our people could not understand him due to "their shortness of breath and hard work" (06:09). So take time out for reflection and Shabbat rest this year. Get to really know your family again. Get in touch with your best self again and finally develop that spiritual oneness with your personal God that will help you always.
Yasher Koach! Michayil el chayil! (Go from strength to strength.)
Shabbat Shalom:
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