Thursday, June 16, 2011

RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL: DEREK ERETZ: DON'T FLATTER

 
RABBI ARTHUR SEGAL: JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL: DEREK ERETZ: DON'T FLATTER
 Jewish Spiritual Renewal: Derek Eretz Zuta + Rabbah :
 
Shabbat 06/25/11
 
(aka Derech Eretz )
 
The JEWISH SPIRITUAL RENEWAL class list is hosted by Shamash: The Jewish Network a service of Hebrew College/Yeshiva
 
[This class is dedicated to Julie and David Horne on their recent wedding at beautiful Palmetto Bluff, Bluffton, SC.  Blessed are You, Lord our God, who grants the joy of groom and bride. Amen.
 Baruch atah AdoShem m'sameiach chatan im  ha kalah. Aymein.].
[and is further dedicated to Tobby Weintraub on her becoming a Ger Tovah  and a Bat Mitzvah. May she be like Ruth of old, loving God, cleaving to God, ,Dabaq ha Shem , loving all Jews, and all humanity, and practicing ahavath chesed. Amen.]
 
Shalom my dear Chaverim, Talmidim, v' Rabbanim, friends, students and fellow rabbis: An oneg, joy-filled, Shabbat, Sabbath, this coming weekend... and Shavuah Tov to you for a good and peaceful week. 
 
We continue with our exploration into the Talmudic Tractates of Derek Eretz Zuta and Rabbah. (aka Derech Eretz Zuta, aka Derech Eretz Rabbah. As was mentioned, zuta is Aramaic for 'small', and rabbah is 'large').
 
Remember that Derek Eretz is not about Jewish ritual. It is about how we are to treat one another and what traits of character, middot, we are to try to develop. The lessons are universal and ecumenical.
 
For those new to the class, Baruch ha Ba! Welcome! You can access last week's class  at  
or
 
 
 
From here you will find links to preceding classes in this  series. So,  together we continue:
 
TALMUD BAVLI
 
TRACTATE DEREK
 
ERETZ ZUTA
 
(aka Derech Eretz)
 
Today we will continue with CHAPTER 2.
Talmud Bavli Tractate Derek Eretz Zuta Verse   2:7
 
'' Let it be your habit to finish everything in a good manner. Let your tongue be always soft. Be a good merchant, pay well, and strive always to do good. Be afraid of a light sin, for this may bring you to a grave sin. Respect all kinds of men. Do not say: '' I will flatter this man, that he may give me food"; ''that man, to give me beverages''; ''that man, to buy me clothes'', for it is better that you should pay your own way  than to be obsequious to others. "
 
''Let it be your habit to finish everything in a good manner.'' Our sages are trying to teach us to slow down, take our time, don't rush. People today are no different than folks were during Talmudic times. We become 'human doings' instead of 'human beings.'
 
We are trying to always beat the clock and over complicate our lives. We define a good 'friend' as someone who we 'poke' on Facebook. We define our good jobs and/or professions by the profits we made or the widgets we sold, and not by the quality of our products or our relationships with our clients.
 
We replace quantity for quality, and mediocrity for excellence.
 
Our sages are teaching us in the above verse to take our time in what ever we are doing, and to do it to the best of our ability. I am sure we can all think of ways that we end up with second or third best products or relationships because we are doing two or three things at once.
 
The first commandment given to the Hebrews as they were about to become a free people via the Exodus from Egypt, was to set their calendar. Free people control their time. Slaves have time control them. How many of us are slaves to time today?
 
The modern Psalmists Simon and Garfunkel  teach: ''Slow down, you movin' too fast
You gotta make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobblestones
Lookin' for fun and
Feelin' groovy.'' [Fifty Ninth Street Bridge Song, 1966].
 
''Let your tongue be always soft.'' Again and again we see in so many parts of the Talmud, and the Torah, warnings to guard our tongues. Our tongues are considered to be worse killing weapons than spears and arrows. A spear or an arrow can only be thrown a short distance. But evil talk, especially with the Web, can be heard around the globe in milliseconds.
 
Rabban Gamaliel said to Tavi his servant: ' Go and get me good food from the market.' He went and bought him tongue. He said to him: 'Go and get me bad food from the market.' He went and bought him tongue. Said he to him: 'What is this? When I told you to get good food you bought me tongue, and when I told you to get bad food you also bought me tongue! ' 
 
Tavi replied: ' Good comes from it and bad comes from it. When the tongue is good there is nothing better, and when it is bad there is nothing worse.'
 
Rabban Gamaliel made a feast for his disciples and placed before them tender tongues and hard tongues. They began selecting the tender ones, leaving the hard ones alone. Said he to them:'' Note what you are doing! As you select the tender and leave the hard, so let your tongues be tender to one another .''
 (Midrash Leviticus Rabbah  33:1 )
 
Please, I beg, ''let our tongues be tender to one another.''
 
''Be a good merchant, pay well, and strive always to do good.'' Judaism is very concerned about business ethics. Three tractates of Talmud, the Bava (gates) series, are devoted to business ethics. In fact, In Tractate Shabbat, the sages teach us, that when we arrive at the gates of heaven, we will be asked if we were honest in business, and not it we kept Shabbat.
 
So the phrase ''be a good merchant'' would take pages and hours to explain. On its face its answered by ''striving to do good.'' One of the ways that we are honest in business is to pay our employees well, and on time. For example day laborers get paid when they are done work for that day.
 
If you have the time, (see above, lol), please read
or
 
 
Our sages teach that we are not in business to make or sell items, but to develop honest relationships with our clients and employees. What we do is secondary.
 
''Be afraid of a light sin, for this may bring you to a grave sin. '' If we look at this advice from a business model approach, we can read the headlines of newspapers and see how folks arrested for stealing millions and even billions started out small. One day we '' borrow'' ten dollars from the petty cash drawer, and within time we have borrowed an 8th of a million dollars for the 20% down on our home, lying to the mortgage company. Then our home becomes 'upside down,' we illegally borrow against it, and avoid paying local business' bills, and our credit card bills, and even our outstanding school loans. Then we file for bankruptcy. And it all started with a small sin of stealing ten dollars.
 

Talmud Bavli Tractate Pirkei Avot 4:2 reads:  Ben Azzai would say: Run to pursue a minor mitzvah, and flee from a transgression. For a mitzvah brings another mitzvah, and a transgression brings another transgression. For the reward of a mitzvah is a mitzvah, and the reward of transgression is transgression.

''Respect all kinds of men.'' Note please how this is a bit different than loving your neighbor.  Love can be a difficult thing for a person, and one that can be defined in many ways. But advice to respect everyone, and to not prejudge is not only spiritual advice, but good business advice. In Talmudic times, the souk (the shopping mall) in Jerusalem was full of people of all races, cultures, status, religions, and manners of dress. It certainly had a more diverse public than our shopping centers today.

''Do not scorn any man, and do not discount any thing. For there is no man who has not his hour, and no thing that has not its place.'' (Ibid 4:3).

Show everyone respect. Greet everyone with a smile and a hearty hello.

The Chofetz Chaim , Rabbi Israel Kagan , of the  20th  century, wrote: '' When a person does kindness on earth, they awaken kindness above, and the day is crowned with kindness through their actions. Happy is the person who exhibits the proper conduct below, since all depends on their act to awaken the corresponding activity above.''
 
The Talmud states that no man, even a Roman soldier in the marketplace, ever preceded Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai in extending a greeting of peace ( Bavli Tractate Beracoth 17a) . In other words, Rabbi ran to greet everyone, friend or foe.
 
Our Sages taught: "Initiate a greeting of peace to every person" ( Talmud Bavli Tractate Pirkei Avot 4:20). What is meant by "every person"? Even if you know that someone bears you ill will, nevertheless, initiate a greeting of peace toward him. This will awaken a feeling of love for you within him. And even if he will not humble himself to make peace with you, God will humble him before you so that he will not cause you any harm. An allusion to this is found in Scripture, "But if he does not make peace with you ... God  shall deliver him into your hand" (Deut. 20:12-13).
 
 Don't be discouraged if some one or ones refuses your hand or to wish you shalom or Shabbat shalom back. We don't get attached to outcomes. We do the best we can in Jewish Spiritual Renewal to live a life of God's will. If we are doing so, and this is a heavy piece of spiritual wisdom, other people's opinions of us, are none of our business.
 
Our last section of Derek Eretz Zuta verse 6:7 is: ''Do not say: '' I will flatter this man, that he may give me food"; ''that man, to give me beverages''; ''that man, to buy me clothes'', for it is better that you should pay your own way  than to be obsequious to others. "
 
Judaism despises flattery, obsequiousness, adulation, blandishment and ingratiation. Why?
 
All of these acts of people-pleasing are really manipulations to get someone else to do something for us. Hence we aren't people pleasing, we are pleasing our selfish egos. We attempt  to become more attractive or likeable to our target.
 
This outcome, according to social psychologist Edward Jones, can be achieved by using several methods such as other-enhancement, opinion conformity, and self presentation/self-promotion. Other enhancement is a method in which the ingratiator  compliments the target individual. Opinion conformity occurs when the ingratiator  adopts and validates the attitudes and beliefs of the target individual. Self-presentation/self-promotion is a technique in which the ingratiator  emphasizes their own attributes in order to be seen positively in the eyes of the target individual.
 
 Recently, researchers have added onto this list of ingratiation methods, and now recognize self-deprecation , instrumental dependency, name dropping and situation-specific behaviors as forms of ingratiation as well.
 
If we look at each one of these techniques of flattery, everyone is a form of lashon ha ra and/or lying. Is it really worth developing our defects of character to have phony friends, who selfishly need stroking, so that we can get invited to their parties, eat their food, drink their liquor, and get gifts? We know in our hearts we got invited not because we are liked, but because we flattered. Stop the flattery, and the invitations will stop.
 
We can't buy love, like, or friendships. Another form of flattery is making a published donation thanking someone for the party to which we were invited because of our flattery. What one is really publishing is ''I got invited and you did not.''
 
Derek Eretz wants us to live honestly with others. If we want to give a Mozel Tov to someone, do so honestly, and do not strive for some reward. Flatterers look like friends, the way a wolf looks like a dog.  Kind David warns us in Psalm 5:9 :'' There is nothing reliable in what they say; Their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; They flatter with their tongue.''
 
We are not being a friend, but rather quite selfish when we flatter. Proverbs 29:5 teaches: ''Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.''
 
 Next week, Baruch ha Shem, we will continue with chapter two of  Derek Eretz Zuta .
 
We discuss the aspects of this verse on business ethics, avoiding selfish, manipulative behaviors, lashon ha ra, and time management throughout the majority of chapters in  The Handbook to Jewish Spiritual Renewal: A Path of Transformation for the Modern Jew  as well as in most chapters of A Spiritual and Ethical Compendium to the Torah and Talmud  .
 
What are your ideas about time management?  How has learning that we are not to be human doings, but human beings, helped in your interpersonal relationships? How has understanding the spiritual and ethical teachings of Judaism helped you live a more joyous life?
 
Next class, Baruch ha Shem, we will continue with Derek Eretz Zuta ,  continuing  Chapter Two. Thank you for joining me.
 
or
 
 
Shalom:
 
Rabbi Arthur Segal www.jewishspiritualrenewal.org
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Jewish Renewal www.jewishrenewal.info
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Maker of Shalom (Oseh Shalom) help make us deserving of Shalom beyond all human comprehension!
 
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Posted by Rabbi Arthur Segal at 2:26 PM
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